Parenting is a Superpower, I'm Convinced

I think at the ripe age of 13, I was scarred by babysitting. Between my neighbor getting his head stuck in the banister, the wining and screaming about going to bed, the injuries where you throw a band-aid on it and pray for the best, kinking your neck on the couch while you wait for the parents to come home, and being terrible at playing with Lego’s – I really think it just wasn’t my thing. There’s this weird phenomenon where once girls hit puberty, they become fair game to be the entire neighborhood’s babysitter. When I was little, I had the best baby sitters in the entire world and I’m telling you now, I did notlive up to their standards. They used to play dolls with me and draw with chalk for hours in the cul-de-sac as Lauren and I made a pretend town of pastel colors. I’ll never forget the warm tortilla, butter, cinnamon sugar, and sprinkles snack Morgan across the street taught us. That has come in clutch when I was waiting for a paycheck up at college. But I began thinking, it is so rare for teenage boys to babysit kids in their neighborhood. Parents seem to feel more comfortable with girls watching their kids and I think it’s because the repeated phrase of women having a “motherly instinct.”

So let’s break this down. I will say women are more prone to empathy and multi-tasking, that is a simple fact. But just because women have these skills and many others does not mean all of them are naturally “motherly.” There is such a pressure on women to have children. Cause that’s what you do right? Go to school, find a husband, buy a house in the suburbs, and have kids, right? And there is nothing wrong with that if it’s what you want, but I hate to think that is the mold so many women feel obligated to squish into. A woman is so much more than her ability to bear a child. A woman is capable of happiness and fulfillment without children. Let me say that again. A woman is capable of happiness and fulfillment without children. I have some friends who are destined to be incredible mother’s and that is everything they want in life which I think is absolutely amazing and I can’t wait to see the pregnancy announcements and gender reveal Facebook posts. However, why are women scoffed at if they want something different?

I have found myself wrestling with wanting to have children because I think it is one of the most powerful things a woman can do and the immense fear that I am 1.) entirely not cut out for the job and 2.) I will have to throw away my life when I become a mom. A woman can grow another human being inside her, that is CRAZY and so powerful, but it often feels like she has to put her life on hold to do so. It scares me to death.

You’re probably thinking woe woe woe – you’re only 21, Brooke and you don’t even have anything close to a stable relationship in your life. And you would be correct (ha). I realize I have so much life to live before I even think about having kids, but I also realized I’m in my twenties and those decisions are approaching at a scary pace.

When I hit high school, I realized I really like kids – just from a distance. I love their little toddler waddles to their mom, I love the toothless smiles, I love how early they learn to lie, I love how wicked smart and witty they can be although underestimated. Kids truly are the miniature gems of the world and bring so much joy to people and parents.

On the other hand, kids can be little demons that suck the life out of you. I’ve seen it. They are so selfish, they are covered in a sticky layer of snot at all times, have the natural instinct to be so mean to other’s their age, unappreciative of everything their parents sacrifice, and always have to be put first.

The thought of having a kid someday utterly terrifies me. But believe it or not, my opinion has changed quite a bit after interacting with children all around the world. Something that my brain has been stuck on is the pure innocence of children. Despite what they have seen or experienced in their lives, they remain so innocent. I wonder when that starts to deteriorate with age. The children I encountered in South Africa and Ghana made me realize that I kind of like them after all – and there are way more positives from parenthood than negatives. You know that scene in the Jim Carrey version of “The Grinch who Stole Christmas” where he cries to Max “I’m leaking” as tears roll down his hairy face? Yea that was me. My heart grew three sizes with not only love but an empathy. It’s hard to recall some of the things I saw without crying, because it’s unlike anything I’d ever seen before.

SAS was the first time I saw children as young as 7 begging at the taxi window for money. It was the first time I had a boy yet to hit puberty pour my glass of water at the dinner table. It was the first time I saw first-hand the amount of hurt, pain, and manipulation inflicted on children who are so innocent. During my few days in Ghana, I visited an organization called “City of Refuge Ministry” and although I know I had little to no impact on those kids during those eight or so hours, they truly changed a lot of things in me.

Children at CORM have been rescued out of the world-wide underground epidemic of human trafficking. The organization played a video of some children telling stories how they were sold by their families because they had no other choice to make money. The parents are promised by the masters their children will have a better life, only for them to be forced into dangerous and often fatal working environments. Little girls are recused from sex trafficking and other horrible environments and brought to this isolated organization that gives them a restart button.

CORM provides education, structure, safety, and most importantly love to kids that need it the most. A group of us visited this place that took 4 red dirt roads and 5 stops to ask for directions to get to, but it was so worth it. During our time there, we were shown how this organization runs much like their own villiage with a water, food, housing, and education system. We were able to play sports with them for a few hours and interact with them and I realized, despite all the hurt and pain – they still had smiles ear to ear. The little boys teased and little-boy flirted with the girls during a soccer game while the school girls played double-dutch on the basketball court. At one point I walked by the preschool play pin area and interacted with some little ones over a concrete wall. Seeing their little waddle with backpacks too big on their back made my heart literally fizzle with joy.

Leaving that place, my heart was broken with empathy and sadness. How can this world be so broken we take the most beautiful thing away from childhood – innocence. How can someone hurt and abuse a child like it’s nothing when instead they can be running around carefree with beaming smiles like they should be. It made me furious.

I realized how precious kids are and how lucky I would be to raise one in the environment I am so blessed to live in. I also Google Searched steps of adopting because part of me believes why would I bring another child into this world when there are so many already in existence that need loving homes. I have some time to figure this all out obviously, but after Ghana and South Africa, I couldn’t stop thinking about kids and how freaking amazing they are.

Believe me, I’m still going to be killing it in a pant suit in some big city climbing the work place social ladder and making decisions for me. But freedom and parenting don’t have to be mutually exclusive, and that is one of the biggest learning experiences I’ve had thus far. Parenting is badass; but so is choosing your own future without regret. The decision is mine, and it’s going to be so weird to look back at this blog post some day and marvel at all the growth I’ll continue to experience.

Some other highlights from my time in Ghana were I was able to visit the Kakum National Rainforest and do a canopy walk. I don't have a fear of heights (thank God) so I had a really good time jumping around on the suspended bridges. It was the first rainforest I had ever been in, and it was such a unique way to witness it. Our tour guide said an elephant lives there, but I'm still calling BS. After that we saw a traditional African Drumming ceremony by professional musicians. Yes, my head is still pounding with sounds of drums but it was well worth it. They even let me get up and try the drum, teaching me the difference between "bass, tone, and slap" sounds - but I obviously don't have a future career in this. My friends had many videos of me with a very confused look on my face trying to keep up with the tempo! It was a really fun day though even though I was sweating head to toe the entireeeeee day.

I also had the opportunity to visit a little village called Torgorme which was a four hour bus ride away from the port. This village reminded me of every pre-conceived image I had of "Africa" in my head before this trip. It looked almost identical to every picture you see in National Geographic - and by that I mean images of extreme poverty. The shacks, the dirt roads, the vibrant dresses clothing the women, and all the little kiddos running around with bare feet. It almost didn't feel real, and it was so hard to fathom that this is all they have ever known. Back to children, the little girls that held my hand and led me around the village had eyes that lit up with joy and wonder. I just stood there completely surrounded by them with the biggest smile on my face. I'm so glad I chose to visit this isolated village because it opened my eyes to the living standards all across Ghana. The poverty there was unmatched to anything I had and will ever see again. Despite all the challenging circumstances, children are incredibly similar everywhere you go. All kids wan to have fun. All kids want to fit in. All kids want to be love.